Objectives

At the completion of this topic, you should be able to:

• outline the verbal and non-verbal components of emotions and feelings
• identify different emotional experiences and expressions
• demonstrate beginning level skills of reflection of feeling
• clarify the cultural aspects of emotions and feeling.

Reflection of feeling

Many people come to counselling seeking help with expressing and working through feelings which they identify as negative or unproductive. Interestingly, even as caring, trained and empathic people, beginning counsellors do not on the whole reflect feeling well. We seem to have little problem hearing the ‘facts’ but we need to develop more skill in observing and responding to our clients’ feelings. As this may occur because it triggers feelings within ourselves which we have not adequately dealt with, it may be useful to recall one or two exercises you undertook in Topic 3 on self-awareness. You may have assessed by now that you are more comfortable in the cognitive or affective realm. It is important with this self-awareness to be able to adjust our orientation to match our clients’ needs in each changing moment. As well as the cognitive or affective adjustment, we need to adjust to the intensity of our clients’ emotions which may be much different to our own.

Suffering and depth of emotion

The Buddha said:

Birth is suffering, old age is suffering, illness is suffering, death is suffering, grief is suffering, lamentation, pain, affliction and despair are suffering; to be united with what is unloved is suffering; to be separated from what is loved is suffering; not to obtain what is longed for is suffering …

The Buddha also taught that although suffering arises from clinging to a conditioned existence (Ray & Ray, cited in Pelling, Bowers & Armstrong, 2007), there is liberation from suffering, and a path to liberation. The authors present the Buddhist concepts of ignorance, suffering and freedom as not distant to the aims of person-centred therapy. It is interesting to observe how the application of some Eastern cultural influences melds well with the humanistic theories.

Concepts of suffering are therefore cultural, contextual and individual. What causes great suffering and depth of emotion to one person may barely affect another. It is not the event itself, but the appraisal of the event which triggers emotions and feelings. We need to be aware of the depth of emotion expressed by our clients and reflect them accordingly, not judge them, gloss over them or inadvertently ridicule them by unconscious non-verbal reactions.

The language of emotions

In assessing the depth of emotions, much data can be collected by paying attention to the words our clients use. For example, when assessing depth of an angry emotion, we can judge that our client is less angry if they state they are ‘irritated’ rather than ‘furious’. You will have already noted when reading Chapter 7 of your textbook that the authors have presented a very useful table of feeling words (see pages 54–55). Ivey & Ivey (2007) present feelings in the broad categories of sad, mad, glad or scared. Hackney & Cormier (2005) categorise the language of affect into mental state cues – either positive, aggressive/defensive, fear/anxiety and spiritual/existential.

Effective reflection of feelings

Reflection of feeling is similar to reflection of content and often they are used in the one sentence as a reflection of content and feeling (see Chapter 7 of Geldard and Geldard, 2005). Ivey and Ivey (2007) outline the five dimensions of reflection of feelings as:

1. a sentence stem
2. a feeling label
3. a context or brief paraphrase
4. the tense of the reflection
5. a check out.

An example here could be:

• ‘It sounds to me that there are still strong feelings of sadness and anger about your son leaving home unexpectedly – am I hearing you correctly?’

Note that the strong feelings are presented as external to the client, lessening the client’s feeling of powerlessness and encouraging feelings of hope for the future.

Reflection of meaning

Emotions and feelings are closely related to our values and beliefs. How we think about life events influences how we feel about them. Values and beliefs relate to our core understanding of the world and are often culture specific. Now, it may become clear that reflection of meaning, what certain feelings or our reaction to events mean for us, needs to be handled with extreme care. Influencing people really means changing their reactions to life events for them, whereas in counselling the emphasis is with them.

How we make meaning out of our emotions depends to a degree on what messages you are receiving from the world around you. For example, we all ‘know’ that being young and beautiful is ‘good’ and if we do not fit that picture we may feel depressed or angry. We also ‘know’ that it is OK for women to cry, and for men to display a degree of anger, but what about the other way around? Powerful advertising and media campaigns may influence how we should feel and what it means. This presents huge problems for those who do not fit the picture, especially if it is because they are from a cultural or social minority.

Culture and feelings

Another important issue to be aware of is the different cultural expression of emotions. In our culture it is expected that males don’t cry, in other cultures males may kiss each other or cry in public. Similarly some Asian cultures have strong taboos about expressing emotions and it is vital for the counsellor to understand and gain information about these differences before attempting multi-cultural counselling. It is useful at this stage to continue to gather your resources on cultural issues and you may find some very interesting information on culturally specific expressions of feeling.

This is equally true for the reflection of meaning. Since meaning is so value laden, e.g. our sense of individual achievement, it is vital to remember that what is good for the goose may not suit the gander. If in doubt, remember that your best resource is your client – respectfully ask what culturally sensitive issues may be involved in expression of feelings and what this may mean to them.

Reframing

The counselling skill of reframing is much more than reflection of content and feeling. Reframing allows the client to see his/her presenting issue in a more constructive light. This allows the client to move forward from dwelling negatively on events thoughts and feelings and to move towards a more hopeful future. Reframing can be a powerful tool to remove blame and guilt.

Clients may have quite a negative view of their world. Once the counsellor has carefully listened to how the client perceives events or situations, the client’s viewpoint will emerge. If the client’s view is not constructive, it is possible to reconstruct the event for the client so that he/she sees it in a more positive light. Reframing is like giving the picture the client has of his/her world a new frame so that the picture looks different.

The examples given by the authors on pages 190–195 are particularly helpful and practice examples are provided for you to gain experience with your own reframes. Use of these practice examples (page 195) is recommended.

Note, however, that reframing is a skill that needs to be used with great sensitivity. If you are an animal lover, you may remember a time for example when one of your pets died. Well-meaning friends may have said ‘Don’t worry – you can get another dog from the pound straight away’. Did you feel misunderstood and that your feelings of despair were minimised? We must always validate our clients’ depth of feelings. Be careful when using reframing.

Finding a balance between responsiveness and directiveness

How we respond to clients is related to the theoretical perspective(s) in use. In Topic 4 we considered some of the theoretical perspectives and although some of these are more action-oriented than others, they all require us to keep in mind the principles of the humanistic relationship.

Action oriented therapists, or other therapists who have arrived at a more confrontational stage of therapy may use responses which are more directive. Directive responses are also necessary during crisis interventions. Some researchers have found that clients’ resistance increases as therapists become more directive (Bischoff & Tracey, 1995, cited in Safran & Muran, eds, 1998). Regardless of the theoretical perspective and the tasks asked of the client, clients did not rate therapy as successful if counsellor responses were judged to be ‘teaching’ and ‘controlling’. Responses which were assessed as most helpful to clients were ‘affirming’ and ‘understanding’. It is therefore important to remember that responses occur within the humanistic relationship – clients as self-determining persons have the capacity to understand and evaluate their behaviour and to enhance their functioning independently of their therapists (Rogers, 1951, cited in Safran & Muran, eds, 1998). The therapeutic relationship provides a safe place for clients to perform these tasks within an atmosphere of empathy, prizing and congruence. Affirming and understanding responses at all stages of therapy demonstrate to our clients that we value the core condition of empathy.

Summary

We have now completed the major skills-based training of this unit. The skills you have learned so far need to be demonstrated in the video and evaluated in your essay. These include of course the attending skills, questioning skills and the reflection of content, feeling and meaning. Every good counselling session (and academic essay) starts with an introduction and is concluded by a summary. In the next chapter we will show how all these skills put together result in a flowing, well-rounded counselling session.